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I used to have this habit of waiting.
Waiting until I had a partner to travel the world, or RSVP to weddings, or go to fancy restaurants. Waiting until my body looked a certain way to dress the way I wanted, or show up online, or confidently enjoy summer. Waiting until I was more successful to feel proud of myself or share about my work.
I was constantly putting my life on hold until I met some arbitrary, superficial metrics. And you know what? That might just be my only regret from my twenties. The only thing I’d definitively go back and change if I could.
Because the truth is - your life is never on hold. It’s always happening right now, unfolding before your eyes whether you’re participating in it or not.
And the one area I see this happen astronomically more than others for my clients is in the realm of dating. We convince ourselves we can’t have things until someone else shows up to make it possible. Or that it somehow means less if we get there on our own. But then in the same breath we lament our fear that we need to be fitter, wealthier, prettier, and have all of our shit perfectly together before we can put ourselves out there to date.
All that time you’re waiting, guess what’s happening? Life is MOVING. Whether you want to travel somewhere new, save up to buy a home, or go on an adventure you’ve been dreaming of - those dreams die on the vine if we keep waiting.
So my challenge to you, especially if you’re single, is to make this a Date Yourself Summer.
What is a Date Yourself Summer, you ask? It’s a commitment to wildly romanticize your life for the next three months. It’s a decision to plan the things you normally find yourself putting off or projecting into the future for “when you meet someone, when your body changes, when you’re making more money.” It’s the act of being intentional in the life you’re creating for yourself here and now, no more waiting.
Now, part of dating yourself involves getting to know your inner child and bringing her along for these adventures. Because when you really think about it, I bet most of your best and most memorable dates involved things that younger you would’ve loved. Eating ice cream by the pier, laughing endlessly at a silly movie, doing cartwheels while you picnic in the park, imperfectly painting a ceramic mug and being so damn proud of the result. These are the dates that will nourish your soul. And none of them require another person to fulfill. In fact, you just might find even more joy in allowing yourself to do it solo.
Start Today:
Step 1: get out your journal and make a bucket list of all the things you and your inner child would like to do this summer
Step 2: put at least two things in your calendar every single week. yes, TWO…if you were dating someone new that you were excited about, you’d want to see them and have fun with them as much as possible
Step 3: reflect on how you feel after your dates…bring a journal, take photos, and document this self-love journey so you can refer back to it whenever you forget how much you matter
Step 4: keep going and get creative. buy yourself flowers, put on music while you get ready, write yourself letters…basically, do all the things you’d love a partner to do for you. get to know yourself and what you like in the process.
The point of having a Date Yourself Summer isn’t to shun romantic love. It’s simply to stop waiting. It’s to rewire your belief that your life is somehow less valuable if you’re single. It’s to heal your inner child. It’s to remind yourself that it’s okay to experience play, joy and pleasure all on your own, just for the sake of feeling good. It’s to get to know the real you - who you are when you’re not trying to win anyone else over.
It’s really about choosing yourself.
And I’m doing it right there with you. This summer I committed to a few trips that were outside my comfort zone, and on the list of places I was “waiting” to experience with someone else. I’m currently in Ireland, about to lead my yearly Reclaimed Self retreat, which I’m beyond excited for. And then come my solo adventures (don’t worry, I’ll totally take you along for the ride).
My summer plans might include international travel, but that doesn’t mean yours have to. We don’t have to have an Eat Pray Love journey for it to count. Here are some more ideas to get your creative juices flowing.
Date ideas:
Go to a craft store and get supplies to have a scrapbooking night
Put on the Parent Trap and make peanut butter oreos (or any other nostalgic movie + snack combo)
Find a body of water and go for a swim (extra points for splishing, splashing, hardstanding, and egg rolling into the water)
Grab a book (because we DO NOT scroll on solo dates) and head to a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try
Take a cooking class, then spend an evening recreating the meal you learned
Go to a museum
Visit a botanical garden
Go to a concert or live music night at a local bar
Take yourself dancing
Go to the farmer’s market and have a picnic afterwards
Get a polaroid camera or disposable camera and explore your city as if you’re a tourist
Plan a weekend getaway
Take a road trip
Volunteer at an animal sanctuary
Go to a local fair and ride the ferris wheel (getting yourself a sweet treat after is required)
Go to a comedy show
Build a fort and fill it with all of your favorite snacks and books for the night
Go star gazing
Get ice cream and go swing at a park
Now it’s your turn to add some of your own ideas to the list. Remember, you’ve got to check off two solo dates per week! It’s okay to have some repeats of your favorites (I’m personally a sucker for a journaling/reading date at a coffee shop with a yummy beverage), but challenge yourself to stretch beyond your comfort zone. You’re doing this for YOU. And for your younger self. And she deserves to be treated to the very best time imaginable.
That little version of you deserves all the love in the world. Especially the love and care you may not have felt when you needed it most. This is your chance to start pouring into yourself. I know it might feel silly at first. I remember questioning my sanity when I first started practicing solo dates. I wondered if it was silly, or a waste of time. But then I realized how good it felt. And little by little, I started romanticizing the hell out of my life, and creating the life I had been waiting for.
Let this be the summer you stop waiting. Let this be the summer you date yourself, choose yourself, and treat yourself…
with love,
Megs
Choose Your Self:
If you’re looking for more guidance on inner child healing, self-love, and choosing yourself, my new book is for you! Click here to order the book from your preferred vendor. And if you feel called to leave a review as you’re reading, it would help spread this book far and wide!! Thanks for your support in making that happen :)