My 20 year relationship
A love letter to yoga and how it saved my life.
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Last week I saw an ad that called me old.
Okay, what it actually said was that it’s the 20 year anniversary of the first Grey’s Anatomy episode, but that’s basically the same thing.
My memories from childhood are spotty, but I distinctly remember being fourteen years old, sitting on the floor in front of the TV watching the pilot episode, falling in love with McDreamy and wanting to be as cool as Meredith Grey. The music, the emotions, everything about it had me hooked. And thus began a twenty year relationship with my very first comfort show.
While feeling called out by that post, I was thinking about what else I’ve had such a long-standing commitment to, and only one thing came to mind. There’s only one thing that’s been in my life as long as Grey’s, and that’s yoga. And let’s be honest, it’s probably the healthier of the two relationships.
The truth is, yoga has saved my life more times than I can count. And twenty years is a long time to be dedicated to anything, so this essay is dedicated to my practice, the first love of my life.
Looking back, it feels like fate that yoga became such an important part of my life at such a young age. It was fate when my best friend’s mom invited me to my very first class at thirteen, on a hunch that I might enjoy it. And I did, surrounded by adults in a practice that was totally foreign, I somehow felt at home.
It was fate when my high school began offering a yoga class as a P.E. credit the next year, around the same time a yoga studio opened on the island I grew up on so I could take classes more regularly.
And it was absolutely fate when I happened to roll out my mat in one of those classes next to the person who would become my first real teacher. I’ll never forget the feeling of peering over at him pressing into handstand and floating effortlessly between poses, and when he invited me to take one of his classes it was game over. (shoutout to Regan). From age fifteen on, my yoga mat became my safe space.
To be honest, I didn’t really understand what the practice was doing for me in the beginning. I just liked working towards cool looking poses, and the sensation of my muscles shaking with each new challenge, and the satisfaction I felt afterwards. I took the physical postures, the asana, very seriously, but I wasn’t yet interested in any of the other benefits. For years I couldn’t even bring myself to be still in savasana, the final resting pose at the end of each class. I’d clench my muscles and try to get in some more ab work, rather than letting myself rest.
After five years of practice and studying yoga, I taught my first class and felt the joy of seeing other people have their own awakenings. And after nine years of practice, I finally started to appreciate the mental, spiritual, and emotional aspects of yoga. I finally started to slow down and actually feel my body, rather than just attempting to contort it into impressive shapes.
Yoga has taught me more about myself than almost any other modality or practice I’ve ever tried. And I wasn’t kidding when I said that yoga saved my life:
Yoga is the practice that helped me recover from a long struggle with an eating disorder.
Yoga helped me to find a deep appreciation for my body, rather than living in judgment of it.
Yoga helped me process the immense pain of heartbreak on more than one occasion.
Yoga helped me recover from the debilitating depression and anxiety I faced after a major car accident.
Yoga helped me give my body a way to express and release and reclaim a relationship with myself after experiencing sexual abuse.
Yoga helped me navigate the fear and uncertainty of chapters of my life when I felt like I was spinning out of control.
And no matter how much time I take off, yoga has always been there waiting for me after every injury, illness, and low moment in my life. It’s what helps me find my way back to myself again and again.
I really can’t overstate how much this beautiful practice has helped me heal. I’ve been careful in how I share about yoga over the years, because I know that healing isn’t one-size-fits-all. And when I preach about the benefits of yoga, I’ll often hear people tell me that they’re not flexible enough, or that yoga is too slow for them, or they just don’t enjoy it.
I don’t want to force something on someone who isn’t interested. But I do want to make sure everyone knows how this practice can change your life.
So first let me clarify: yoga is not just for the bendy, lean Instagram-worthy girls to show off their poses. Yoga is an ancient practice that simply means union of mind, body, and spirit. That is something we all need, and a practice we can all benefit from. And it can look different for everyone. It can look like simple stretches in your chair, or deep breathing on your back, or complex flows on your mat.
Let me also clarify that yoga isn’t always blissful.
I can’t count the number of practices where I felt frustrated and antsy the entire session. Or where I had deep emotions flowing to the surface, and was sobbing by the end. Or even classes where I was in so much pain, all I could do was stay in child’s pose.
The point isn’t to achieve ultimate enlightenment or perfect peace. The point of yoga is presence. To simply be with what is, even when that means being with discomfort.
Yoga taught me to stop running from myself.
It taught me that in being with discomfort (whether physical or emotional), I actually create more space for all parts of me to feel welcome. And when I didn’t have to run from myself anymore, I no longer needed to use old familiar numbing strategies or control mechanisms. My life started to flow with more ease, and way less resistance. Being on my mat consistently helps me feel into every forgotten corner of my body and every hard-to-reach pocket of emotions.
Years of working towards certain postures with very slow progress taught me patience.
Learning not to compare my practice to the people around me taught me self-compassion.
Being forced to modify my practice for injuries has taught me perspective.
Experimenting with inversions has taught me playfulness.
Letting myself use props taught me that it’s okay to get support.
And eventually, savasana taught me the value of deep rest.
Like I said, yoga has been my greatest teacher and I wouldn’t be here without it.
That’s all, that’s the whole post. I could write an entire book on the benefits of yoga for healing trauma, and helping us restore a relationship with our bodies, and the many fascinating elements of this practice. (And I will if you’re interested, please drop questions in the comments!!)
But for now, I just wanted to write this gushing public love letter to the practice that truly saves me, time and time again.
with love,
Megs
Resources of the Week:
My number one recommendation is to go try out different types of yoga classes and different teachers at your local studios. Finding in-person classes that you truly enjoy is life changing.
If you’re more of an online, at-home kind of person: I have some guided classes and great resources on my mental health platform, The Self Care Space. Click here to try out a 7-day free trial.
Lastly, if you’re looking for an EPIC immersion in all things yoga, somatic healing, and self-care: there are 5 spots left on my women’s retreat in Ireland this summer. We’ll be doing daily all-levels practice that is designed to help you connect to your body and heal. Click here to learn more and save your spot.
Choose Your Self
My new book is out May 6th!! Click here to preorder the book from your preferred vendor, then email me a screenshot of your purchase to contact@megansherer.com. When you do that, I’ll reply with an instant download of three guided meditations to help you connect to your authentic self, plus access to a private launch day workshop with me!
